Left on the shelf? No, I like it here!

Published August 10, 2012 by KalamityK

I’m 40 and still single. Didn’t find the right guy. If you did, you’re lucky and this post isn’t referring to you. But feel free to carry on reading!

Considering my dating life for the last 10 years has mainly involved internet dating, it’s not exactly a surprise that I’m still single.

What IS surprising is that a part of me likes it. If I’m being honest, I expected to be married at this point in my life but I didn’t have a script to show me how to get to that ending and this is where I find myself. 

I don’t know what people see when they look at me. I think people who don’t know me very well see a slightly sarcastic unmarried fat woman who sometimes lacks confidence. They’re right. I am a slightly sarcastic unmarried fat woman who sometimes lacks confidence. But that’s not the sum total of me. I’m occasionally funny, a bit complex and sometimes moody. I’m also strong; mentally and physically, and occasionally I’m wise, like an owl. 

I’ve got used to living on my own. Why on earth would I want to give up my space, fight over the tv remote, faff around trying to share a duvet, get all hot and bothered by a fella who thinks I’m his perfect pillow and then have him snoring his head off stopping me sleeping?  Nuh-uh! No thanx! I’m not doing that unless I’m completely smitten.

*Married woman = shared bedroom

Me = double room to myself and STILL not enough room for all my junk. There’s no space for anyone else’s stuff!

Over the decades I watched friends and family marry for a variety of reasons. Not always for love, even if they told themselves it was. Some are now divorced. Some are still married. Some are ‘surprisingly’ still married!

I’ve lived with 3 boyfriends in my lifetime. The last one was the manchilds’ dad 19 years ago. Since then it’s been just me and the kid. I’ve had other relationships but they haven’t worked out because it turns out I’m attracted to bad boys and idiots. I figured this out years ago but still couldn’t manage to change it. The reason I’m not married isn’t because no-one ever wanted me. It’s because I didn’t want to marry the men who asked. If the right fella came along then great but he’s not arrived  yet and I’m not settling. 

I came quite close recently to getting married but as it happens, he was an idiot too. I’m not saying I’m perfect… far from it. I’m just more perfect than them 😉 

Despite it being 2012, there is still an inbuilt fear for women of being left on the    shelf. Seriously. That’s so sad. Girls,  change the way you think. Don’t see it as a negative.  Enjoy your singleness while you have it. There will be times you’ll miss it once it’s gone. Yeah it’s nice to be in love but if it aint happenin’ then why not enjoy where you’re at? 

You know what? Leave me on the shelf. Please! All those other women who jumped off too soon for fear of being left behind have left me loads of room. This shelf is nice and comfy now and it has books.

It’ll take some super special man to entice me off it. 

Earlier today I was making a list of attributes that would make the perfect man for me. I decided that as I like it here on my shelf, I’d order exactly what I want or I’m staying put;

  1. Tall, dark and handsome with smiley eyes and a nice bum. He doesn’t have to be perfect, just perfect for me. 
  2. Solvent with a good job
  3. Hard working but not a workaholic
  4. Likes camping/picnics/walks on the beach
  5. Is good at DIY
  6. Likes a cuddly woman, preferably me.
  7. Enjoys cooking (I hate it).
  8. A non-smoker who isn’t tee total (last fella was tee total and it’s BORING!)
  9. Likes to be tactile but does NOT  want to snuggle all night (I’m a fidget until the coma hits). In fact, wants to live in separate houses (next door?) or at least have separate bedrooms
  10. Can SING like Andrea Bocelli  (I’ve never had a fella who could sing and if I’m ordering, I want a singer)
  11. A driver who likes motorbikes and will buy me one  for Christmas
  12. I can’t write this one out loud cos my mum n dad read this but … yanno!… A man’s gotta have skills! Know what I’m sayin?! 😉
  13. Ideally, he’ll be a bit of a romantic soul
  14. Should be funny but not too sarcastic
  15. Into Sci~Fi and gadgets
  16. MUST BE SINGLE (you’d be surprised how many blokes on dating sites don’t understand that concept)

Is that too much to ask for?!!!! Anyone know him? No?……. Then excuse me whilst I make myself a lil more comfy up here on my shelf! 

*For married, read also – living with a partner. For you lot who might need clarification.  

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7 comments on “Left on the shelf? No, I like it here!

  • As you know I’m an advocate of separate bedrooms ( well if it’s good enough for QE2…) that way snoring ( yours or theirs ) doesn’t matter, no duvet/ temperature issues plus you can sleep how you want, diagonally, sitting up, in the dark or with the light on…..
    Plus you get to sleep with whoever you want, babies, cats, dogs your teddy….. even maybe if you both feel like it, your partner….

  • I simply want to mention I am just very new to blogging and really savored your web page. Almost certainly I’m going to bookmark your website . You absolutely come with remarkable articles. Thanks a bunch for sharing with us your website.

  • Great post 🙂 I’m only 30 and I hear ya about the social pressure because it’s starting to kick in from some friends, however I’ve decided to forget it and enjoy my shelf space with a sense of security. I’m not really dating at the moment, right now I just can’t be bothered! I have a couple of friends who are starting to freak out and throw themselves at anyone they can find fearing this new age bracket (it’s interesting the psychological effect a new decade has on people!), and I’ve had one friend who I’ve moved on from because she was constantly telling me I wasn’t putting myself out there enough and so forth, a projection of her unhappy relationship where she had clearly settled as she feared being alone. Blah blah! I think the point is simply to be happy, in life, and if others judge us for who we are and the choices we are making it’s really their stuff and their conception of reality, their deepest fears…they need never be ours.The happiest people I know happy to be women who are single in their late 30s/early 40s. Men come and go but they have confidence, they are content with life and self-assured and they have plenty of time for our friendship 🙂 I guess I aspire towards that, toward their level of happiness and fulfillment in life so perhaps that’ll be me in 10 years. Or not. The point is, I choose happiness, not the status of being single or coupled. I choose love and love always comes first from within. Thank you for such an honest post and a great read. I’m a huge fan of subversion, it makes some people uncomfortable 😉

    • Thanx for your comment Ruthy. Being in a relationship can be great but so can being single. I believe you should just get on with your life and make the most of whatever situation you’re in at the time. Enjoy where you’re at. It took me a while to get here but it’s a breath of fresh air when you finally realise that you don’t have to conform and compromise to fit what society thinks is right. Your outlook on life will take you where ever you want to go. 🙂

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