The Cowardly Lion

Why is it so hard to step out of your comfort zone? I tried this week and failed, and not for the first time. I gave it a go and spent the whole time panicking internally about what I was going to say to this stranger who decided to pick me for a partner. If I’d focused that nervous energy on what I was supposed to be doing instead of how much I didn’t want to do it, I possibly wouldn’t have looked like an idiot and wouldn’t have felt like I was letting this stranger down. I hated the feeling so much that I didn’t go back for day two. I retreated to the safety of my comfort zone and went to work instead.

But I’m gonna try again!

I’m starting an evening class next week that’s going to take me well out of my comfort zone and this time I’ve actually paid for the experience. I think I might be slightly bonkers.

I hate people seeing me get things wrong. I hate being in new situations without a friendly face that loves me no matter what and I hate looking like a fool… unless of course I’m choosing to be one.

Role play makes you look like a fool. There’s no getting around it. I won’t know what I’m doing and they’ll make me try it anyway, in front of other people. UGH. I know it won’t kill me or hurt me. I know everyone will be in the same situation but what my logical brain knows makes no difference to how my body reacts.

I’ve never been THAT person. You know, the one who bathes in attention. Don’t get me wrong, I like attention, just not while I’m under the spotlight. We should do away with spotlights so I wouldn’t have to keep trying to avoid them. I’m happy to stand in the background while my more outgoing friends get on with being all loud and noticeable. I’m usually the one happily tagging along behind.

When that tutor tells me I have to leave my beloved comfort zone I’m going to get anxious. My heart rate will hit the roof, my hands will get clammy, my tummy will do somersaults, my knees will literally shake and my brain will tell me to flee. It’s stage fright. It’s someone scared of heights standing on the top of that bridge, thinking of doing a bungee jump. Panic sets in.

But I’ve spent over a hundred quid on this course so I won’t be able to just not go (like I did on the free taster course).  If I want to change things in my own life and make a difference in someone else’s then I’m going to need the skills they’re teaching in order to put my plans into practice.  But it’s OH SO VERY BLOODY SCARY!

I’d like to be one of those people who aren’t afraid to just give things a go and that don’t mind if they look silly in the process, but I’m not. I never have been. I used to look at those people with envy. I guess I still do.  It’s why I’ve never taken singing lessons even though I think I might have quite a nice voice just waiting to be released … If I only went and learnt some techniques to improve what I have. But I never had the courage. I’m the cowardly lion.

So how am I going to get over the anxiety? I don’t know but I have to. Anyone got any coping mechanisms you find useful when you’re feeling completely out of your depth?