I’m 40 and still single. Didn’t find the right guy. If you did, you’re lucky and this post isn’t referring to you. But feel free to carry on reading!
What IS surprising is that a part of me likes it. If I’m being honest, I expected to be married at this point in my life but I didn’t have a script to show me how to get to that ending and this is where I find myself.
I don’t know what people see when they look at me. I think people who don’t know me very well see a slightly sarcastic unmarried fat woman who sometimes lacks confidence. They’re right. I am a slightly sarcastic unmarried fat woman who sometimes lacks confidence. But that’s not the sum total of me. I’m occasionally funny, a bit complex and sometimes moody. I’m also strong; mentally and physically, and occasionally I’m wise, like an owl.
I’ve got used to living on my own. Why on earth would I want to give up my space, fight over the tv remote, faff around trying to share a duvet, get all hot and bothered by a fella who thinks I’m his perfect pillow and then have him snoring his head off stopping me sleeping? Nuh-uh! No thanx! I’m not doing that unless I’m completely smitten.
*Married woman = shared bedroom
Me = double room to myself and STILL not enough room for all my junk. There’s no space for anyone else’s stuff!
Over the decades I watched friends and family marry for a variety of reasons. Not always for love, even if they told themselves it was. Some are now divorced. Some are still married. Some are ‘surprisingly’ still married!
I’ve lived with 3 boyfriends in my lifetime. The last one was the manchilds’ dad 19 years ago. Since then it’s been just me and the kid. I’ve had other relationships but they haven’t worked out because it turns out I’m attracted to bad boys and idiots. I figured this out years ago but still couldn’t manage to change it. The reason I’m not married isn’t because no-one ever wanted me. It’s because I didn’t want to marry the men who asked. If the right fella came along then great but he’s not arrived yet and I’m not settling.
I came quite close recently to getting married but as it happens, he was an idiot too. I’m not saying I’m perfect… far from it. I’m just more perfect than them 😉
Despite it being 2012, there is still an inbuilt fear for women of being left on the shelf. Seriously. That’s so sad. Girls, change the way you think. Don’t see it as a negative. Enjoy your singleness while you have it. There will be times you’ll miss it once it’s gone. Yeah it’s nice to be in love but if it aint happenin’ then why not enjoy where you’re at?
You know what? Leave me on the shelf. Please! All those other women who jumped off too soon for fear of being left behind have left me loads of room. This shelf is nice and comfy now and it has books.
Earlier today I was making a list of attributes that would make the perfect man for me. I decided that as I like it here on my shelf, I’d order exactly what I want or I’m staying put;
- Tall, dark and handsome with smiley eyes and a nice bum. He doesn’t have to be perfect, just perfect for me.
- Solvent with a good job
- Hard working but not a workaholic
- Likes camping/picnics/walks on the beach
- Is good at DIY
- Likes a cuddly woman, preferably me.
- Enjoys cooking (I hate it).
- A non-smoker who isn’t tee total (last fella was tee total and it’s BORING!)
- Likes to be tactile but does NOT want to snuggle all night (I’m a fidget until the coma hits). In fact, wants to live in separate houses (next door?) or at least have separate bedrooms
- Can SING like Andrea Bocelli (I’ve never had a fella who could sing and if I’m ordering, I want a singer)
- A driver who likes motorbikes and will buy me one for Christmas
- I can’t write this one out loud cos my mum n dad read this but … yanno!… A man’s gotta have skills! Know what I’m sayin?! 😉
- Ideally, he’ll be a bit of a romantic soul
- Should be funny but not too sarcastic
- Into Sci~Fi and gadgets
- MUST BE SINGLE (you’d be surprised how many blokes on dating sites don’t understand that concept)
*For married, read also – living with a partner. For you lot who might need clarification.