chewing gum

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An apple a day…… might induce me to murder.

Published June 21, 2012 by KalamityK

I mentioned on my About Me page that I would elaborate on the ‘apple’ subject. Today’s the day. I have just removed myself from an apple situation at work.

I have nothing against apples as an entity. They are good for you. They are healthy. They are one of your five a day. Apples, apparently, keep doctors away. But for me, they are evil tree spawn put on this earth to burn my ears and make my life miserable!


‘But apples don’t make a sound!’ I hear you say. Oh yes they do. Next time you bite into an apple, listen. You might not notice it normally but it’s there. They make that sort of wet crunchy sound as the flesh is torn from it’s core. I can’t bear it. I have this sound problem whereby certain sounds send me into a state of unnecessary-ness. Most people will have at least one sound that they can relate to in this manner. Think of someone dragging their nails down a chalkboard, or a fork accidently slipping and screeching along a plate. It sets your teeth on edge. If it lasted for more than a second or two, you’d probably do anything in your power to stop it, wouldn’t you?

Well, that’s what happens to me when I hear someone bite into an apple. For others it’s the sound of constant sniffling and throat clearing, or shoes shuffling along  the floor, or the repetative click of a pen or the clickety clack of a keyboard, the shrill whistle of certain birds or dogs barking incessantly. I think I’m rather fortunate that it’s just eating noises that bug me.

Most people who know it bugs me just think I’m over sensitive and a moaner.


Of course I am! It’s not NORMAL to react in anger to someone eating an apple! But I didn’t choose to have sounds affect me in this way. I would do almost anything to get rid of it so I don’t have to leave the coffee break area when colleagues bring out the fruit, anything not to feel so angry with my colleagues when they get their lunch and start chomping on raw carrots that I have to walk away so I don’t grab the offending item of food and throw it out the window. It’s a weird and unpleasant feeling and I live at least 70% of my working life with earphones in because of it. I found out a couple of months ago that it has a name and there’s a whole bunch of other people with the same problem! It’s called Misophonia.

I cannot be at the same dinner table as someone who eats like their face is channeling a cement mixer or someone who talks with a ton of food in their mouth. If I DO have to be at the same table, I will try not look at that person for the duration of the meal. There HAS to be music on in the background or I will sit and go internally insane. It’s actual torture and the only escape is to…well… escape!

Not a lot is known about misophonia as it’s only just being ‘discovered’, despite it affecting people for decades and decades. Most doctors will have never heard of it. The people that have done studies on it reckon it triggers something in the brain that kickstarts the fight or flight response. That’s just daft because these sounds aren’t exactly going to kill me are they? So that probably means that my brain is wired up wrong. Unfortunately it gets worse as you get older and there’s no magic cure to make it disappear.

So if you break out the fruit n veg or open a packet of crisps, don’t be surprised if I get up and leave. If I can’t get up and leave, expect me to start growling at you….   But please, for your own safety, don’t even think of chewing any gum around me because I guarantee I WILL be planning your accidental death!

25 random things about me… if you’ve nothing else to read.

Published June 9, 2012 by KalamityK

Try doing your own. It’s not as easy as you’d think.

If nothing else, it passes the time. 

1. I nearly always think before I act…sometimes too much… if I don’t, I always seem to make the wrong choice. 

2. I can be extremely indecisive. I hate being the one to make a decision. ‘No I don’t know which film to watch. What do YOU wanna watch? I’m not fussed, what do YOU wanna watch?’ Arghhhh! It’s like being stuck on a loop.

3. I hate having to apologise to anyone, so most of the time I hold my tongue rather than say what is on the tip of it!  

4. I have an addictive personality, hence the daily dose of chocolate, carbs and facebook! (and until the newness wears off, blogging) yep, sometimes all at once. 

5. I really enjoy my own company. 

6. My knees turn to jelly & my stomach does somersaults at the thought of talking in front of groups of people. Doesn’t matter if it’s 5 people or 50. Jellysaults!

7. I have worked for the NHS for almost 16 years. 

8. I love photography and wish I’d known it 20 years ago so I could have learnt to do it as a career. 
Mind you, I also needed to know back then that I actually WANTED a career. All I wanted growing up was to get married and have tons of babies.  

9. I am a bookworm. I quite like the idea of being a librarian and have even investigated the possibility, partly because of the instant access to so many books (because I hate paying shop prices for them). Approx 80% of my books are from charity/second-hand bookshops. It’s crap money though and there isn’t the need for librarians that there once was, plus nowhere in my county does the right uni course and I’m not motivated or self disciplined enough to do distance learning.

10. My parents and my son are the most important people in my life. If I need to be wise, I pretend to be my mum and then think about what she might do or say. It’s come in handy for those times I’ve had to fake it. 

11. I’d love to be in love but I honestly do enjoy being single. I’m quite set in my ways…plus maybe I haven’t met the right man to entice me to share the remote control.

12. I never learnt to drive. If it does ever happen, I want a Robin Reliant or a pink/purple moped. Most likely a moped. 

13. I own a (pink) flute although can’t remember how to play it (apart from a couple of simple crimbo carols). 

14. I love shoes and own many many pairs but I only buy the bargains. High heels are just divine but I just can’t walk in the damn things on these bumpy, uneven pavements.

15. My bestest friend uploaded me off the internet. My other bestest friend found me at a bus stop.

16. I hate having cold feet cos it stops the rest of me warming up. I hate having hot feet cos it makes the rest of me overheat.  

17. I am a nightowl and think mornings should be banned. 

18. Hello, my name is Kalamity and I’m a hoarder. (Professional help needed) Don’t throw that out… it might come in handy!

19. I can’t/won’t leave home without putting on my lipstick, even just to pop to the shop downstairs. Forget the rest of the slap, it’s all about the lippy.  

20. I’m convinced sprouts are the work of the devil. 

21. I don’t like coffee. Tea for me please….squeeze the teabag, plenty of milk & 1 sweetener, Ta. 

22. I always have the telly on when I’m indoors whether I’m watching it or not. 

23. I cannot bear those eating sounds people make when they have bad table manners and if you eat an apple anywhere near me, it’s likely to end up out the window. I regularly resist the urge to tell people how gross it is that I can hear them eat when they don’t shut their mouths. Seriously, I don’t want to see your food swilling around your gob, neither do I want to hear it. Plus, sorry but if you chew gum it make you look like a cow chewing the cud. Maybe I’m a snob but it just looks common.  

24. I’m a gadget girl. If I had the cash, I’d buy every gadget made. 

25. I bought my son a pet snake when he was about ten or eleven. He gave it back the following year because it didn’t grow big enough to eat people. He said it was boring. 

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